Enforce existing laws

I had been dropping $100 bills on my lawn for years, and I had a big sign out front that said "Come on my lawn and pick up $100 bills." Needless to say I had ended up with a big problem with trespassers, squatters, and crime.

When I decided I wanted to solve those problems, I had several options. Liberals suggested I build the squatters homes and invite their families to come live in my yard. They suggested I drop even more $100 bills to support more people. That obviously would just make the problem worse, so I ruled that out.

My conservative friends said I should build a big fence and hire a guard. But that was going to cost me more money too, and it didn't address the problem of the existing squatters. I also realized that other trespassers would still climb my fence and get around my guard, no matter home much I paid for security, so that was a bad plan.

Then I realized the simple, cheap and obvious solution. Stop tossing $100 bills in my yard and take down my advertisement. All I did was take away the money and the sign, the squatters moved on, and I don't have any more trespassers or crime problem. Man, was that easy, and it didn't cost me any money. In fact, I have more money in my pocket now than ever.

This farcical immigration bill is the worst of all options. Just enforce our existing laws against employers of illegal immigrants. A little bit of enforcement will dry up the jobs and the money, the illegal aliens will go home, and Americans will benefit from those jobs and that money.