Local

The local government's primary propaganda organ reports the local government accidentally destroyed much of the local government's propaganda organ's old building. You can't make this stuff up. I don't thing "irony" is in their dictionary. This is fantastically typical.

Some magazine, whose name the DDN fails to disclose, being prosecuted for fraud.

The heroin epidemic can't be won by jackboots alone. They need every American to pledge allegiance to turn in their neighbors. That way, the jackboots can turn America into a wasteland, and we can all be proud of that. Salute.

Beavercreek has been trying to pass school levies for years, and they always get rebuffed. This time they called so incredibly bogus election two weeks after the main election, then the only way they could pass the tax was through hiding votes in trunks - wink, wind, nod, nod - in traditional Chicago fashion.